‘The Rules‘ arrived by email, 9 days ago, after my second coffee date with the Prince of Darkness. As he’d already taken to instructing me on what to wear, and asking me not to swear, and insisting that I arrive on time (and no, a text message to say I was stuck in traffic was not considered acceptable, and I still received a very public lecture about my lateness that day), I had naively asked him what his ‘rules’ were. I thought it would tell me more about this quiet, enigmatic man that I was becoming so drawn to.
What I did not expect was a document explicitly setting out the sexual parameters for our relationship. Parameters that focused heavily on punishment and discipline. Parameters that included my punishment being delivered by other males and females, as The Top might see fit. And that The Top may outline the punishment before it is delivered, if he desires, but he might not. And that Punishment may include Corner Time, when The Top decrees (I’m still wondering why so many subs on FetLife get freaked out about Corner Time – clearly I haven’t a clue).
Was this what I thought I’d be doing when I created my profile on FetLife? Holy fucking hell. Noooo way. Never. I was a girl that liked a bit of rough sex, being spanked, sucking cock, and I wanted more. That’s what I thought. I can’t help laughing now, at the me I was two weeks ago. Silly, stupid girl.
I recognised in myself the horror that Ana felt when presented with Christian’s contract (oh yes, I just broke the Golden FetLife Rule and mentioned 50SoG) and it made it all the more surreal. My life had turned into something from a bad FanFic novel! I walked around giggling about this for a day.
With the Rules, the PoD wrote: “Something for you to reflect upon. Don’t make a snap judgement but talk to me about them!”
“I would like you to be specific about my ‘general behavioural issues’, please.”
“Timekeeping for one. x”, was all I received. Suddenly our long written evening communications dried up and I couldn’t fathom this out.
“Are you forgetting that I was early yesterday?” I typed. “Feeling pretty freaked out right now and wish I’d bought 2 bottles of wine instead of just one.”
“Stay with it and breathe.” Came the very minimal response from him.
And here’s the thing. I stayed with it and I kept breathing. We kept having coffee dates; now sitting holding hands across the table, smiling inanely at each other. If this arrangement is just for the PoD to get his sadistic rocks off, it doesn’t feel that way to me.
One morning I get this text: “I think about you all the time xxxx”
“Ditto xxxx”, I reply.
I go back and read The Rules and now they make me feel horny as hell. I still don’t know what any of this means but there’s no way I’m quitting yet. I still have so many questions. My biggest fear is not about being physically harmed because I trust him to look after me. But can I trust him with my heart?