You ask me what I want…
I want to know you and the deepest darkest crevices of your mind, but since we started meeting up for coffee, you have stepped back and become closed in our communications. And so I reach out frantically, trying to pull you in again. Maybe you never really were ‘in’ before and I just imagined it because that’s how I wanted it? You were always prickly but I prefer the thorns.
I see the extent of your control now and it is clinical.
You are a mystery and a challenge to me now.
Do you want the emotional connection or just someone to beat, I wonder?
Is a good sub evaluated by how long she can stand your thrashings and that alone?
Anything I do, or agree to do, is purely to try to reach you now. But I don’t think you want to be reached, known, pushed…. If you just want a woman to beat, that won’t be enough for me. I want to explore the dynamics and rewards of a full power exchange relationship. I want to watch you walking by and feel it, “That’s my man.”
[I already do.]
I want to live with the anticipation that I feel on days when I’m going to see you and the fluttering worrying about my appearance [because you will inspect it closely]. Knowing my lateness could lead to a lecture, but then you smile and let me off because I’m wearing a short skirt today. Your regular tease about which coffee blend I want: I’m touched that you’ve remembered this particularity about me ever since our first cafe date.
I want you to know all of me and to want my submission to be your daily duty.